tales of a traveling librarian

Well, its official. I’m all done grad school. Unless of course somehow I end up failing my last class. Which would be awful and rather ironic. See, I’ve been trying to keep my job, which is of course only a student job, but a well paying one, and I’ve tried everything just short of telling my boss that I’ve failed. And so, to fail for real, after the deadline for application to keep my job, would be…well, I wouldn’t be graduating and I wouldn’t have a job. I would basically be the biggest sucker I know. To reflect my new status, I’ve now officially changed the name of my blog as well. See, I’m still debating whether I can call myself a librarian without actually working officially as a librarian, but, I’m going to risk librarian wrath and just do it. Go big or go home. I’m a risk taker, is what I am.

So, now that I’ve officially accepted that I am convocating and I do need to find a new job, I did what any other twenty-six year old girl would do. I promptly sat down in front of the computer, opened up my gmail, and sent my dad an email asking him to provide me with employment. (Note: I’ve also asked for an arranged marriage. It’s in the works.) He wrote back that he’d work on it (more than what I was expecting), that he would help by sending job postings (exactly what I was expecting) and that he didn’t realize I was looking since my poker career is clearly taking off (not at all what I was expecting). I mean, it is true, I did win this week, but I’ve been threatening to drop out of school for months and I hardly see as how he’d suddenly be supportive. (Second note: they supported Jeff when he wanted to play PROFESSIONAL HOCKEY. I’m just saying.) Incredulously, I responded with thanks that he was willing to support my dreams. Of course, he inquired after whether I thought he meant emotionally or financially…and I went for the gold of support: BOTH. And now, my Dad is a pretty smart cookie, he did suggest librarian school, after all, and said, “Alli, clearly, you should just be a librarian in Vegas and gamble at night!” I like this idea. I feel like maybe I would have a bit of a secret identity.

But really, this whole being done school and looking for a grown up job, well, it scares the pants off of me. I love my life exactly the way it is. I love my routine and my comfort level and my hours and the people I work with and I just don’t feel ready for things to change. I’m feeling apprehensive and more than a little bit worried about things like my mental health, my ability to pay my bills, and my chances of finding a job that doesn’t make me want to kill myself. I try to reassure myself by thinking about how every other time I’ve made a major life change, I’ve been really happy. But that does not take away from the fact that this time, I’m sure, I’m positive, that the new people that I’m going to meet are going to hate and reject me.

Why exactly is it that at the times when I most need to just trust myself, and just trust that things are going to work out, I am the most doubtful? It’s like when you go to bed. And how you know you should turn out the light and you just want to watch that one last episode of the Simpson’s, and then fine, King of the Hill, even though you hate it, and then, finally light’s out. And then you wake, and you snooze and you snuggle and you just want five minutes more of blissful wonderful sleeping times. Why can’t we just switch those feelings around? We’re not very good at changing state, us people, or at least not me, and I think I’ll just try to remember that when we have to, when we have to switch it all up and do the exact thing we don’t want to do, well, soon enough we’re upset because we have to change from that thing, too. That’s what I will try to remember.

Its not very often that the Larsh’s set out as a family. For so many years, Jeff was in the Soo, I was in Ottawa, my parents were in Bowmanville, and we’d cross paths, oh, every Christmas and maybe once or twice in between. I mean, we saw each other separately, my parents watching Jeff’s games, or I’d come home for a weekend, but having four of us under the same roof at once? Didn’t happen. So now that Jeff is done with the OHL, and I’m done with my undergrad, its nice that it happens more often. You’d think that Jeff and i would have had enough of each other after traveling, or that I’d have had enough of my parents after living with them, but, its just not the case. Its a pretty wonderful thing when you realize that you like spending time with your family as people, as well as being family. I think I got pretty lucky. I mean, we can all be pills (how’s that for an eighties saying?) but we can all be pretty awesome too.

It was Father’s Day this past weekend and that served to get us down to Windsor. My entire extended family still calls Windsor home, so, its nice to see them, all at once, both sides of the family. We’re getting older, so my cousins and I are getting to know each other a bit better. We go out, we, ahem “party” and we laugh and take embarrassing photos of each other. We tell stupid stories and joke about our friends and share details from trips we’ve taken or want to take. And then one of us pukes in her hand, another confesses to wanting to be spanked, and the other moans about a missing girlfriend. Its all very family oriented. And hilarious.

On Father’s Day, my Aunt Kathy and Uncle John had my mom’s side of the family over to her beautiful house, complete with pool. Its not a hard day spent lounging in a pool chair with watermelon and other treats being served to you. I had to re-apply my sunscreen a few times, but, it was all worth it. Plus, Sarah and I had run a 5K fun run the night before (she placed first in her age group!), so it was a pretty great way to relax. I miss having a pool sometimes. And a yard. But only sometimes. We’ve never spent Father’s Day in Windsor before, but, it does seem as we all get older, that it is more and more important to enjoy each other’s company while we’re all here. We don’t know where jobs and life will take us, and it seems silly to waste the time when we’re only a few hours apart.

I’ve been wanting to see 300 since, oh, my birth. I’m sure that I’ve mentionned Gates of Fire before, but, a quick mention. It’s one of my favourite books. It’s one of my family’s (seriously, mom, dad, jeff and me!) favourite books. I make everyone I know read it. And sometimes, I won’t talk to them until they do. Now, I know that 300 is not based on the book and I know that it is in actuality based on Frank Miller’s graphic novel. But, it is about the same battle, the same culture, and even some of the same historical characters. And having read the book, oh, once or twice, I was anticipating a truly fantastic movie experience.

Dad and I set out for the ten pm IMAX show. We got there at nine thirty (even though I had been bugging him to leave since 9 pm) and, to our shock and chagrin, it was sold out. Despite tears springing to my eyes, I tried to make the best of the situation. Fortunately, there was a nine thirty show, in a regular theatre, that wasn’t sold out, so we just bought tickets to that. On the long long escalator up, we plotted. Sometimes they have ticket takers right at the IMAX theatre, sometimes they don’t. I mean, we were on the same page: IMAX or bust. So, we were going to risk it. I was a little worried about trying to be sneaky with a Dad, but he made up for whatever shortcomings because he also leant a bit more authority. And I figured, no way I was getting in trouble if my dad made me do it.

The theatre was packed, but, there were still decent seats. Dad worried for a brief second that it was assigned seating, but I said that it wasn’t. (I noticed people saving seats with coats, which they would not have had to do had it been assigned.) He made me go back out to get candy (yes, I was worried that somehow I would have to talk my way back in, but, there were no questions asked…) and popcorn and then we settled into our comfy near the back seats.

And watched as people wandered up and down the aisle, scanning for those elusive two seats together in the back. I mean, sitting at the front of a theatre is bad enough in a regular theatre, but in an IMAX, its terrible. One girl, kinda talking back at her boyfriend, was swearing under her breath. Dad leaned over and was like, “Hey Alli, do you see what’s in her hand?” I looked, and she had one of those computer print outs. Clearly, she had thought far enough ahead to buy seats early, she just forgot to get there early enough to claim them. In her defense, who knew it was going to be so busy on a Monday night?

I started giggling, and couldn’t stop. I had thought of the kicker: not only did we not even have tickets for this theatre, this time, or these seats, we hadn’t even paid full price. IMAX tickets are more than standard tickets. Dad started laughing too, but that mostly ended in a coughing fit. I’m telling you, the most popular people in the theatre.

Oh, and it was so worth it. Even if I feel kinda bad for breaking the rules. This is how I know I’m not really a rebel. I wish.

Well, my parents are away for a few weeks. Its actually kinda nice being on my own for a bit. And by kinda nice, I pretty much mean amazing. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. I really do. There’s nothing better than having a rough day and having a mom around to make it better. Or, having a night off and a dad who is eager to go to the movies (and buy the treats!). These are people who certainly know more about me than anyone else on the planet, and still seem to be okay with spending time with me, but, for a girl who’s lived on her own for the better part of seven years, its still taking a little bit of adjusting. So, I’ve decided to make a list of the pros and cons of living at home.

The Cons:

1. Coming home drunk isn’t such a great idea. Mom’s a light sleeper. Of course, what I mean is, I’m so hammered I make a ruckus.
2. Having a new interest means that he and I spend a lot of time…with my parents. He’s remarkably fine with it (I think that’s in his favour), and mostly, I’m just against the team ups that occur. I just can’t banter back against three people.
3. I have to — get this — do a weekly chore. Yeah, bathrooms. Oh sure, they provide gloves and its only two bathrooms (rather than the three in the house I grew up in), and they let me do it on either weekend day, but still. Chores? What am I, a servant?
4. They notice when I skip class. I hate when Mom’s like, oh, Alli, weren’t you supposed to be in class at nine instead of rolling out of bed at noon? And I have to say, yes, I am supposed to be in class. Fortunately, none of my professors know my name, so I’m pretty sure I have nothing to worry about.
5. I get emails from my dad like this: Alli, please take all of your stuff out of the living. That means your ipod, your socks that you took off because your shoes got wet yesterday, your book binding stuff, etc. etc. This bothers me on two fronts: clearly I’m a slob and clearly he knows my email address. Damn it.

The Pros:

1. Mom does an incredible job of keeping my belly full (and leaving me leftovers, although, since she’s back at work, it has been more of a battle). Even though they are away, I have permission to order groceries (though I did have to wait till the 26th to use a coupon…) and I get to pick whatever my little heart desires.
2. They would notice if, say, I didn’t come home one night. That’s a nice feeling. I am pretty sure that last year neither Chris nor Jeff would have.
3. Somehow, they provide me with a room, laundry machines, shower, gym, etc. and don’t make me pay a cent for it. They might kick me out when I’m done school, but for now, they are pretty much making it possible for me to be in school.
4. They still love me even though sometimes I wake up in the morning and am not actually a human being yet. I kinda grunt and my mom knows to back off. This usually lasts for about two hours after I get up. Or I’ve had coffee.
5. With Dad around, there’s always the chance for Chinese food for dinner.
6. They’ve never muttered the word “curfew” or said “be home by ___” since I moved out the first time.

Huh. After doing this little exercise, I have decided that they might actually be the best room mates I’ve ever had.

But I’m still going to enjoy the place for the next little while.

–

On a completely unrelated note, I just watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy where a) Izzy cuts Denny’s pump thing and b) Burke gets shot. I have decided that perhaps this isn’t the best show to be watching while working out, because, that kind of episode nearly knocked me off the treadmill. I think I’m a convert.