I’ve come recently to a realization. My eating habits are completely and totally white trash. Now, this is not to say that I don’t enjoy trying new foods. And I love Thai and Indian. I actually crave sushi (which is my Friday night meal). I’m pretty mean with chopsticks, I don’t balk at lobster, I like fruit in my salad and there are times that I choose to eat vegetables because I like them. But, unfortunately, the common theme with all of this, is that I eat like a normal person…when I AM OUT IN PUBLIC. You know, when someone brings the food to my table. After I order it off the menu. Or when I’m traveling. I like experimenting and I usually love the foods I try.

But when I’m at home, it all goes out the window. I eat things I am actually almost embarrassed to tell people. For instance, while I was home for lunch (did I mention I love where my job is located?), I microwaved rice. Yeah, I did. And you know? I didn’t even measure it. I just pour some rice in a bowl and add some water. I refresh the water as necessary. Measuring cups? I’m way too cool for that. And then, I took a can of Campbell’s condensed Cream of Mushroom soup. And I mushed it all together to form delicious delicious gruel.

Oh, it gets worse.

For dinner, Tasha was talking about eating bread and cheese and let’s face it, the second either of those words are mentioned, well, you have my complete and total attention. So I decided I wanted bread and cheese, too. And I realized: I still had some of my Cream of Mushroom soup rice concoction. And that I should combine it. My new favourite meal was born: pita, melted cheese, and the rice mix. Um, fucking awesome.

I like food from cans. I like Chef Boyardee and tuna and soups. I like Kraft Dinner and I looove it with hot dogs. Or hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls. I like my grilled cheese with ketchup. Ooooh, and scambled eggs with ketchup. I like ketchup. And if you give me the choice, I’ll pick up white Wonderbread every single time. And I mean, Manwich? Hamburger Helper? Can dinner get any better?

See? White trash. I’d be embarrassed, but I just love it too much and I don’t believe in love if you’re ashamed of the object of affection.

I do draw the line at processed cheese though. Hell the fuck no.