Do you ever have those days where the people around you just seem off? I don’t know. It’s clearly the same people, and you’re even interacting the same way, but one of you just seems intent on taking something the wrong way. I’ve been feeling like that today. With everyone. And its not the other people, its me. It’s like I’m stuck in this mood and I just want to take things the wrong way. And to maybe pick a fight about it. And to maybe, just maybe, make something that has nothing to do with me, ALL ABOUT ME. I think that is what it comes down to. Some days more than others, I just want attention. In a petty, childish, look at me kind of way.

It’s J.’s birthday today and I have to admit that it puts me in a bit of a weird mood. It makes me a little sad that we’re not celebrating together, as usual, or that I’m not doing the birthday stuff for him that I usually take such pleasure in doing. He’s been doing so well lately, I’m really proud of him, and it just seems to emphasize how far apart we can be sometimes. Or maybe, more accurately, how close we used to be. I wouldn’t call myself a particularly sentimental person, but, for some reason, some things just get to me. Well, I let some things get to me. I love the wallow. Just like I love picking the above mentioned fights when I’m feeling in the above mentioned mood. It’s a fault. One of many.

Fortunately, instead of picking fights, I’m writing a blog. Which is shocking, mostly because I think I’m finally getting it through my head that its not ALL ABOUT ME. Seriously. This is a shocking realization for me. When I was a kid, when my dad thought I was being selfish, he’d always say, “Alli, do you think the world revolves around you?” And I have to admit, a large part of me did think exactly that. And I don’t mean as a five year old. I mean as a…well, I’m 26 now. And it still takes a good day to admit that I don’t think that is true. Well, I’m only human. Hey, I admitted I was faulty!

I’m not sure what it is that sometimes makes me search so externally to make myself feel better about myself. I mean, I’d consider myself a fairly chemically-balanced person. Even, and this is definitely a compliment in my opinion, an optimistic cynic. Oh yes, those exist. But there are sometimes, sometimes, that I just want someone else to say, “Alli, you’re okay by me.” And its funny, because, I don’t even think it matters who it is. Today, Tasha and I were chatting (only three hundred lines today) and she so magically, wonderfully put things in perspective, as only a best friend who knows you incredibly well can do, and I immediately felt the mood vanish. So, thanks to her, and the fact that I went for a run, which always does wonders for my mood, I’m mostly back to normal. (Note: I also got 14/15 on my quiz and that’s pretty freaking awesome.)

Ooooh, speaking of the gym, while I was just finishing up, a girl got on the treadmill and dropped her keys. I heard her drop them, so, I paused (uh, good Samaritan of the year, right here!) to try to help her find them. Seriously, they disappeared. We did some peering and some lifting and some bending, and the keys were just gone. So, I recommended the taking off of the plastic thing that covers the “workings” of the tread. It was like, four screws. I mean, the keys are just lodged on some ledge in there. She brought back with her one of the maintenance guys, who refused to unscrew, and told her that if she ran it with the keys in there, she’d have to pay for the whole machine. Uh. I don’t think so. So, of course, I butt in. I just mentioned that it didn’t say anywhere not to take the lid off (you know, like how on a computer it warns you when you void your warranty?) and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. I got a pretty decent death stare from him. But dude, seriously, her keys are in there. But yeah, call the manufacturer. For four screws. I’m sure that’ll be free. Okay, if it was me, I’d have gone upstairs and gotten a Philip’s head. No?